I’ve been on low energy reserves for weeks now and it’s starting to get a bit frustrating. I have work to do and clients waiting. I am doing little bits of things – watering my plants, feeding my tomato plant, a bit of baking – but it’s very wearing very quickly.
I tried to do some painting a couple of weeks back, thinking perhaps I was low motivation not low energy. I got a little bit done but soon I was messing up really badly and realised just how exhausted I was. Still not sure how I’m going to fix the mistake I made but I’ve been too knackered to think about seriously.
Paul says I shouldn’t underestimate what effect our holiday had on me as we did stuff everyday – more stuff than I had done in at least 6 months before. Plus the hot weather has an effect. Plus hayfever does too for me. But I feel like a bit of a failure for being so tired day after day and not being able to kick the exhaustion.
I still maintain that the LDN is helping. Although it’s hard on days like these to see that is when I feel so wiped. But I suspect without the LDN things would be very bad indeed.
Really I should be used to going with the flow on these things. No point trying to force it when the body says no. You just lose more by pushing it. But I feel riddled with ME and I don’t like it. Goes to show that the LDN really has been boosting me more than I realised.
It could be this latest downslide is due to being back on eating wheat, despite testing negative for celiac. When I started eating wheat everyday again in prep for the blood test I started to feel sluggish. I don’t know if my body got past that or whether sluggish became part of my normal everyday parameters.
So I have to kick wheat again. Hard now I’m enjoying all that wheat has to offer. But if it is contributing to the knackeredness there’s no question of the benefit of sacrficing lovely tastes.
I’ve started reading again. I wonder if the reading is contributing to the exhaustion. Small things can add up and even mental stimulation is exertion. But I do find even when the body feels wiped at the moment I can read a bit of an easy fiction book. So it’s hard to know if that it turn is making me knackered or a welcome distraction from it.
What I do have is my chair for the garden in which I can recline. I can be lying down (just about) and supported and secure at last. I decided to look at it as an investment of disability equipment and paid a bit extra to get a better quality one with a super squashy cushion and sturdy frame.
The only problem is I’m struggling to give in to relaxing. A lot of the time all I want to do is eat or sleep. So my auto response is to get busy to prevent me from sleeping in the daytime (something programmed into me when I was very young I think and so hard to break). As a result I find myself wiped and restless at the same time. I need to relax but I want to pace. Of all the times it should be easy to let go and nap *this* should be the easiest time to do it. Sigh.