Clutter Busting of Self Image?

My Clutter Buster angel came round for another session this afternoon.  I was not looking forward to it as we were tackling the front room which is piled high with mostly My Stuff.  Art stuff, book stuff, wedding stuff, camera stuff, might be useful stuff and more.

I almost didn’t want to do it.  Was it shame?  Shame of all the stuff I’ve accumulated? Shame of saying “actually that piece of cardboard is really important”.  I don’t think that was the major factor.

It was in fact much more familiar.

Do I keep this book on growing your own vegetables or do I get rid of it?  Because I’ve never used it.  But I might one day.  Except I have ME now and I can’t even do a spot of light weeding let alonemake my own kitchen garden or dig potatoes.

Do I keep this badminton racket?  This badminton racket I used to use.  But now I can’t because I have ME/CFS.  But I might get better and want to use it. 

It’s the same over and over.  This *thing* represents who I was, possibly who I’d like to be again, but not who I am.  Do I get rid of it because I’m not that person now or do I keep it because I might be that person one day?

Well what K, my Clutter Buster Angel, said makes it all a bit better.  That if (when) you do get better it would be lovely to be able to go out and buy the badminton racket knowing you’re going to use it.  This makes it easy to let go of the stuff.

Letting go of the emotional attachments is a little trickier but will come with time.  Accepting I am not that person anymore is something I thought I had pretty much dealt with. But there’s still things to work on.  Still things to accept and let go of.  And maybe the physical process of clutter busting is actually helping the emotional aspects of letting go too.

It’s not a surprisingly relevation.  It just caught me off guard. 

Self image and identity are things I wrestle with still.  In my head I see myself as the thin girl I once was but trapped in a overweight  flabby body. There’s also a healthy girl in here waiting to bust out.  If only I could get ME/CFS to bend to my will.


4 Responses to “Clutter Busting of Self Image?”

  1. 1 Nina November 20, 2009 at 5:29 pm

    yep – fist to go were the suits and heels:-) The sports equipment was harder, but I kept only my ice skates. Got here and realized my feet had grown! Toss it, toss it.It IS very freeing.

  2. 2 cusp November 20, 2009 at 6:03 pm

    Agree with Nina. Get rid. I’m in the midst of a real clearing out spree (and boy am I a hoarder by nature). Most of all if there’s anything that makes you feel ‘blurggggghhh!’ (if you know what I mean) e.g. things you don’t /can’t use now (N.B. …I didn’t say ‘can’t use anymore’ cos you dont know hwhat the future holds), things/clothes/ furnishings etc. that don’t make you feel positive and happy… then get rid. All that ‘stuff’ can really weigh you down.

    Happy clearing ;O)

  3. 3 Sue November 21, 2009 at 12:04 am

    Ah, so jealous of your progress in clutter busting! I wish your “angel” could come over here. Very astute observation about hanging onto stuff that represents the pre-CFS me. It’s great that your clearing out clutter – that always makes me feel so much better emotionally! Maybe after the holidays…


  4. 4 Rachel M November 23, 2009 at 4:42 pm

    This is my recent thoughts…

    We didn’t leave the “person we were” in the past. That person continues carrying on and became “person we are”. During the process, we have grown and still continuing to be better person as we want to be. If we must compare this with healthy and able bodied people, we are taking a bit different route.

    So, the “person you will become” will deserve to have a brand new badminton racket to celebrate and commemorate her new life.
    I completely agreed with your Clutter Buster Angel. 😉 At the same time, you are allowed to grief about your past as much as you need.

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