Another Social Cancellation

We didn’t go to the comedy gig tonight as planned.  The consensus (of me and Growler) was that I looked knackered and when I do things, big or exciting things when I look knackered it’s asking for trouble.  Like days of paying for a few hours of out and about.

So we’re staying home.  And I’m trying to not feel defeated, weak or useless at being normal.

I’m currently feeling a bit grumped that so many interesting things are in the evening.  Because sitting down to watch a show and trying to get the best of my energy, brain and health at what is a couple of hours before bedtime isn’t exactly the perfect plan.

It’s a double whammy because this morning there was A Thing on in Birmingham that I wanted to go to and had felt quite determined to go to.  But it meant being up, breakfasted, semi digested of breakfast, washed and dressed before I am normally even awake and then meeting lots of new people in a social buzzing kind of scene.  So not perfect for one who looks knackered and woke up feeling like someone had folded me into a tight bundle of crunched paper in the night.

In fact it’s a TRIPLE whammy because my dad just phoned and asked to take me to an art exhibition next week because it just blew him away and wants to share it with me.  Except on Wednesday I am being taken across country, intravenously sedated and having 2 wisdom teeth removed.  So I have to rest enough before to be well enough to go and have this done, and then afterwards … well I’m guessing I’m going to feel a bit ropey to say the least.

So I have to use Growler’s sensible brain with good perspective and planning to see if it’s a good idea to try and go on Monday or blow off yet another social thing.

I’m not utterly miserable, I’m not staggeringly ill. But not being able, trying to go to things or to see people and failing … well it sucks.  I want to be more eloquent but that is all I have.  Sucky stupid M.E.


10 Responses to “Another Social Cancellation”

  1. 1 ashysheela November 1, 2008 at 11:00 am

    even having to constantly try to assess whether you should go out or stay in is so draining and frustrating… never mind feeling grumpy for missing out on things you want to do… at least when you are able you are likely to have an offer of somewhere to go, it seems you are in demand! 😉

  2. 2 cusp November 1, 2008 at 12:55 pm

    I think the constant negotiations and re-negotiations with self and between the psyche and the body are sooooo damned iritating and draining as Ashy says. For years I spent so much energy debtaing on what was the right thing to do that by the time I’d decided I was kanckered anyway. Now, unless I know that I’m beyond the pale (as you are now by the sound of it) I just go and do it anyway or I’d never go anywhere/do anything/see anyone.

    At least you are in demand and still on the social radar of your cirlce and family. Rest well, pick out a jolly DVD and something comforting to eat and drink and ‘gird your loins’ for the dentisitical rigour next week and then in a little while you can re-emerge as that polychrome social buttefly that is at your core; all shimery with A1 nashers ;0)

  3. 4 Growler November 2, 2008 at 9:53 am

    It would have been good to go out for that night, but I have to say that eating fish and chips in bed was a very good alternative.
    Also, there will be plenty of other days and nights out.

  4. 5 Barbara K. November 5, 2008 at 5:32 pm

    What a sweetie your Growler is (his above comment). I always hate it when I have to factor in pain into my decisions. I do find that when I treat pain as my enemy, I feel defeated. When I treat pain as a part of myself that needs looking after, I can feel some compassion. And chocolate always helps.

  5. 6 Growler November 6, 2008 at 7:48 am

    Barbara: I am a sweetie…and devilishly handsome too!

  6. 7 ashysheela November 6, 2008 at 10:59 am

    Barbara, i have met him… and it’s TRUE!

  7. 8 shelli November 9, 2008 at 4:30 am

    Hi! I’ve got CFS, too, and I look sometimes for other people going through the same thing as me.

    I would like to link your blog to my website, Chronic Fatigue Community, but I wanted to ask your permission first. It’s a work in progress! But, I think it would help others like me to hear your story.


  8. 9 rachelcreative November 10, 2008 at 8:07 pm

    Yes Growler is a total sweetie. I am a lucky gal.

    Yes Shelli link away!

  9. 10 Jane Heinrichs December 9, 2008 at 6:22 pm

    I’m finding your blog very inspiring. I am an artist (Canadian, but living in London) who has CFS. I was diagnosed several years ago, and got a lot of help in coping from a doctor at Johns Hopkins.

    I certainly understand your frustration with cancelling engagements. I am currently missing a Christmas party due to CFS (compounded by a cold). Though, I know I’m having more fun sitting at home that I would be if I were struggling to appear ‘strong’ at a party. Sometimes a quiet evening is a relief.

    Thanks for sharing your stories, it is helpful to know that there are other people experiencing the same thing.

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