Blurgh Pah Fffff

I feel “inbetweeny”. 

Not really ill, not really well.  Not really sleepy, not really awake. Not ready to get out of bed, not comfortable in bed.

There’s nothing sensible happening in my brain yet it seems stuffed full of snippets of thoughts that swirl around and never get sorted.

I want to listen to music but it adds to the brain swirl.

I want to be creative but I’m disconnected from ideas.

I want … something.

Let it be hormones.  Let it be lack of sleep. Let it be passing.


I just had that feeling the last 2 days that I’m killing time. Like a monkey swinging from branch to branch, I get the sense I am lurch from one milestone in the day to the next waiting for the time to pass so I can move on to a better day … please?  I stumble towards lunch knowing that means I am one step closer to getting out of bed.  I stumble on towards evening meal with my eyes set on going to bed.  I’m climbing into bed wanting it to be tomorrow already because maybe it will be a good day – and if it isn’t then it doesn’t feel like I’ve slept all night anyway.

It’s a passing thing I know it is.  I’ve had times like this before.  Like a petulant teenager wishing their life away.  I need to settle and to savour everything, especially as these inbetween days are not racked with great pain or discomfort.  Just a sense of being restless but being too tired to do anything proactive.  It’s a time to soothe the mind, sort the thoughts, search for quiet and calm … and try not to get irritated looking for it. 

You know it does sound kind of like ME + PMT = exhausted restless happy grump

Hmmmm.  And breathe …


4 Responses to “Blurgh Pah Fffff”

  1. 1 Nina July 15, 2008 at 1:04 pm

    Altho our mutusl friend, JW has found peace in these kind of time, I have not after 20 yrs of osrta trying:-) Hugs…………….

  2. 2 Rachel M July 15, 2008 at 5:11 pm

    I like the word “inbetweeny”. 🙂

  3. 3 Barbara K. July 20, 2008 at 6:59 pm

    I know this sensation well. For me, when the present moment is untenable, I lurch toward the future or the past. Ultimately, that just makes me dizzy. I have been trying to learn to just sit, in silence and to see waiting as preparation for some impending unknown — that I don’t have to anticipate being afraid of.

    Thanks for sharing this.

  4. 4 Sandy/Fighting Fatigue July 21, 2008 at 1:56 am

    Hi! I’m hosting a blog carnival on Fighting Fatigue. If you would like to participate, just click the link below to submit your entry.

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