I’m still fighting the virus I caught over a month ago at Christmas. But the last few days I seem to making a marked improvement. Which is terrific news as I seem to have fought the virus almost as well as my healthy counterpart sufferers (even if it leaves me virtually at a standstill as it comes on top of ME/CFS).
My days have changed shape to look a little more like they did before Christmas – sleeping 10 hours, sitting in bed with laptop and manageable distractions until mid afternoon then (washing every 2-3 days), dressing and moving downstairs to the sofa for the remainder of the day. I’m even thinking that shortly I’ll be able to speak to my parents on the phone, arrange a short visit or two and stand in the fresh air for a few minutes.
During the virus I’ve been able to handle even less distractions than usual, zero pottering about, forcing myself to get out of bed at 5pm and move downstairs (to keep the blood pumping properly), every day struggling to dress myself, and washing went down to every 4-5 days if I was lucky. I went a month without a bath, shower or hair wash because I just didn’t have it in me – even with someone else washing me.
These aren’t pleasant things to admit to the world – but they are the reality of my illness and the impact of an additional virus to fight leaving no energy reserve for anything else. No energy reserve for phone calls – to hold the phone, to listen, to make sensible sentences even once I had enough voice to do so. No energy reserve to take my little sketchbook from my bag, let alone to move the pen or attempt to form lines that made sense. No energy reserve to pick clothes from the pile to wear, or slide open the drawer to find a pair of socks. Some days no energy reserve to hold my electric toothbrush, brush my hair, reach over for my cup of herbal tea, lift my walking stick off the floor, point the remote at the tv, stroke my cat, pop tablets out of the foil, hold Growlers hand.
Suddenly I’m very happy to be able to find my own pair of socks even if I can’t dress until late afternoon.
My tiny improvements might not seem so significant to the majority of people but it’s a welcome relief to me. It’s still not easy – I’m still living days which are very small and require a lot of help – but the sun is breaking from behind the clouds at last and I’m chronically happy.