Retrospective December

Around this time two years ago I was at my doctors feeling wiped out and unable to shake off … well … what?  “I dunno … I’m just not … right … not quite right somehow … you know?”

I had all the routine blood tests, some repeated, none of any concern to the 3 (or was it 4) doctors I saw.  So I started a health kick as this lethargic feeling must be due to being out of shape – right?  Hmmm.

Around this time a year ago, I was forced to abruptly stop my efforts to get back to working full hours as I was hit with (what I now know was) a monumental relapse in my ME/CFS.  Fighting to get back to work had only made me more ill than ever – not helped by not knowing what I was really dealing with.

This time last year I happened to see Dr H and she gently suggested perhaps this wasn’t just a prolonged recovery from Glandular Fever – perhaps this was Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.  She gave me some reading material, told me to see if anything sounded familiar.  She gave me a sick note to carry me over Christmas and suggested I go back in the New Year if I still felt unwell and made a double appointment to discuss things further.

I was innocently hoping it was just a cold and a couple of weeks off would have me back on my feet.  Ha!

So this time last year Growler and I started to have private discussions about “what if it IS this CFS thing …” but decided to say nothing to anyone else until we had a confirmed diagnosis.  I wrestled (we both wrestled) with the idea that this crappy health of mine was not going to disappear overnight or allow me to fight through to recovery in any way that was at that time familiar to me.

Two years ago I knew there was something wrong. 

One year ago without knowing it I worked my last day in the office and uncovered  that what was wrong was no longer in doubt.

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3 Responses to “Retrospective December”


  1. 1 fogggygyrl January 20, 2008 at 4:35 am

    I’m sorry you’ve gotten CFIDS, Rachel. It can be a very difficult disease to deal with. I hope you get to a place where you start doing better.
    I’m bedridden with it myself and it takes all I have to carry on.

    fogggygyrl

  2. 2 mpshiel January 20, 2008 at 9:26 am

    Ah, one of THOSE days, I have a few coming up which I am not looking forward to – nothing like playing back the mental home movies and doing the, “wow, so clueless, and yet, still had more energy and nights out than I do now” – oops that was depressing, did I mention I have my wheelchair anniversary coming up, woohoo!

  3. 3 rachelcreative January 20, 2008 at 10:20 am

    fogggygyrl – thanks for your comment(s). It’s always re-assuring to know there are others out there who understand and that you’re not alone – but it sucks to know that you (or anyone else) is having to go through this or indeed worse.

    Am hoping you can start to improve too.

    mpshiel – Yer – one of those days. It doesn’t really do us any good to have that “if only I’d known / used my time or enery or freedom or mobility or whatever BETTER WHILE I HAD IT” – but sometimes I just can’t help it. In the end after all the teeth gnashing and grieving and fist banging (well, not too much energetic fist banging) in some way it does help me to appreciate what I have NOW and to accept the way stuff just is.

    Wheelchair anniversary eh? Hmmm. See I could go either way on celebratory or commiserations … there’s always multiple angles isn’t there. But mainly it kind of sucks that any of this ever had to happen to you. (Understatement).

    Thanks for your comment(s). I know it’s not easy right now.


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