To Chance Going On Your Own Two Legs

Just doing the basics.  Well, not even all of the basics truth be told.  I’m in that foggy world – where fogginess shrouds the brain and the body.  Like walking through thick smoke with the resistance of custard.  Like thinking with a veil between me and the world.

Moment of clarity come and then go.  Moments of energy – having taken hours to arrive – spark out pretty quickly.  I can appear gloomy to those around me – but mainly because my physical output lets me down.  

Growler sees me outwardly normal one moment and sort of spaced out slumped the next and I try to say what is true “Happy on The Inside”.

I went to a funeral on Thursday.  Aside from the easily anticipated emotional aspects – it was the physical exertions that put me in this state.  A 100 metre or so walk from the car and having to stand through the service (the attendance was magnificent but I was too late to ask anyone to give up their seat).  All in all 40 minutes of my feet either standing or walking leaning on Growler for support – legs shaking, then stiff and aching and shaking.

Lesson Learnt: It’s better to use the wheelchair and not have needed it, than to not use it and discover I should have – because by then it’s too late.

No point taking the chance on occasions when I’m not able to dictate the exertion required.

Friday was weary.  Saturday was foggy and exhausted.  Sunday (today) a deeper level of mist and exhaustion.

At least I’m well enough to write this – after an hour in zombie mode I have spark of energy and clarity to use.  I’m not (touch wood) suffering from a lot of pain, or migraines, or IBS flare up, or achey like I can after such exertions.  My limbs are weak (I blow dried my hair on Wednesday ready for the outing on Thursday and my arms are not yet recovered) and I’m bed bound for the lions share of the day.

I’m so glad I was able to go to the funeral and I have to remember that it was worth the price.  And that I learnt next time to just shelve the pride or the worry about causing a fuss with access – and just use the damn wheelchair!

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2 Responses to “To Chance Going On Your Own Two Legs”


  1. 1 Connie November 26, 2007 at 5:32 am

    Fog, that’s me most of the time. Trying to find words when speaking or writing.

    I agree about the w/c issue. Better to be safe than sorry. I still chance things and then think to myself, “oh why didn’t I just…”

  2. 2 rachelcreative November 26, 2007 at 11:22 am

    I don’t know about you Connie but I find those kind of lessons more difficult to learn since I developed my illness. The logical sensible things to do sort of evade me.

    I think I forgot that I could use the wheelchair and forgot why it was a good idea!


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