I am a rollercoaster of emotions. When I’m sinking I think my happy moment are just me treading water with my head bobbing on the surface. But really my happy moments can be pure joy.
There are moments when I think my brain is playing a new trick on me.
My brain function has been pretty good recently (relatively speaking). I can read and make sense of things, have indepth conversations with my husband Growler, understand the news, laugh at subtle jokes. It’s been wonderful.
I still can’t remember what day it is very easily, I often forget what Growler tells me a moment later (he told me it was time to take my IBS tablet whilst I had my head in reading a blog post … I said ok reached for my bag and forgot why I had my bag in my hand … hear Growler in the kitchen … oh yes probably IBS tablet time … put tablet in mouth concentrate on putting bag back down … forget to swallow tablet … why do I have a tablet in my mouth … oh I need to swallow it … why can’t I swallow this tablet … oh I need to drink something …. argh!!)
Well anyway – generally it’s a bit better. But I am forgetful. And I wonder if that’s fuelling my emotional ups and downs. Because I forget the good things and plummit into feeling low. Or forget the sad things and wallow in the joy.
I’ve lond had a problem where I can’t let go of stuff that’s worrying me – because I forget that I (or with Growlers help) have found a solution. Even though I have an answer I keep dragging it back up to worry about only to eventually remember (or be told) that I have a satisfactory solution. So even though I have the union sorting work stuff out for me right now it doesn’t stop me wondering how to fix the work stuff … oh yer – the union is on that for me. Round and around.
Sure I have a few things on my mind at the moment. I’m going through some sort of phase, or new layer of grief, or new movement of progressing with my life with CFS. So emotions and anxieties are running a little high. But my brain really isn’t helping matters.