Feeling brighter and lighter. Even seem to have my creative juices flowing again. I have a painting under way and am getting giddy with excitement about the new camera I’ve just ordered which has some magical arty applications.
Physically still low. Viral/chest infection still lingering nearing the end of week 9 of suffering. Have a particularly chesty rumble of a cough today. Very tired and weary. Stomach funny. PMT abound.
BUT brighter in my mood. Which is excellent news. Thanks (I reckon) in no small part to Mr Creative’s ability to throw perspective on the things my brain gets wrapped in knots about. Him reminding me (and giving me permission should it be needed) to just BE. To do whatever and not conform to an expectation – mine or anyone elses.
So I started by deciding it was ok to be lounging in bed for half the day. And then that it was ok to do arty things that aren’t pretty or brilliant or appealing to others but to just do what comes to me. And in doing so maybe others will find a connection and maybe not. It’s all ok.
Mr Creative gives me perspective when it’s needed. Friends are great at showing me another side or view to my stories and pre-occupations. In turn I have the strength and confidence to self soothe, nuture Rachel and let her do what is needed.
It’s not perfect. I’m not perfect. I still moan and sigh and clench my fists and get frustrated. I still feel ill and aching and exhausted. But I’m not bad. I’m not a bad person. But it’s hard to remember that you’re an extraordinary person when the grind of chronic illness gets to you. So I thank my friends and my family for offering a hand, a kind word and a smile.