“the reason no illness is ever truly invisible is because the people who love us can decipher the many signs and symptoms of illness no one else can. I think it’s important to explore what it’s like for our partners or spouses when a shared illness is invisible, because it isn’t easy. It isn’t fun, or glamorous, or fleeting.
And it certainly isn’t fair.
I mentioned previously that my husband can tell from the single word “hello” if I am having a bad day.”
It’s a great post.
And this is the comment I left:
“I am also lucky to have a crazy husband.
Although chronic illness can put tremendous strain on a marriage I like to think it has built an even stronger bond between me and my husband.Even though there is fear, sacrifice and struggle – we are left in doubt of our love and devotion to each other.
Whenever I shake my head and think “how can he love me when I am like this?” I have to remind myself that I do him a disservice in thinking so little of him and his prospensity to love and care for me, and to help me to be the best I can whatever the circumstances.
And I remind myself that if the roles were reversed I would be there for him fully and wholly (though perhaps not with quite as much grace or charm!).”
And here’s one of my favourite inspirations about loving relationships and chronic illness taken from an article called Coming To Terms With A Life You Didn’t Plan on Melissa Kaplan’s site Chronic Neuroimmune Diseases :
“I was also berating myself and feeling guilty about all the things I could no longer do routinely – cook, clean up, enjoy hobbies or sports or fun outings. I worried that my husband was getting the end of a very pointy stick – wasn’t I a drag? Wasn’t he sick of doing all the work? Didn’t he wish he had a healthy wife? How awful is this for himThen we talked about what bothered him worst about my being sick and his responses surprised me – an always-messy house, a lousy social life and my tendency to overdo and then relapse. Now we simply look for things to do that aren’t tiring, like movies, going to museums (we bring the wheelchair for me) and going for long drives together. We got a cleaning service to come in every other week, making the house livable again. And I vowed to ?When my husband and I talked about these issues, he pointed out something very valuable to me: If the situation were reversed, would I still love him, he asked. Of course, I said, stung he’d even asked the question. Then I realized: I was assuming the worst of him when I assumed he’d love me less because I’m sick.
work on resting and not overdoing it. It’s made a small – but significant – difference. We feel like we’re “handling” it. And, hey, life isn’t so bad! The best part: I don’t think often about this stuff anymore.”