I’m not done yet. Fume, seethe, fester …
- I hate that I can’t just wash my hair when I feel like it
- I hate that I haven’t made it to the hairdressers in over a year
- I hate that noise of chainsaws and hedge cutters from work being done next door
- I hate that next door are having their hedge and shrubs cut back so now our garden looks even worse than ever and I could cry because I can’t do anything about it
- I hate that I get hungry but don’t really want food in my stomach – and even though I enjoy eating the food it makes my insides feel horrible. Whatever I eat.
- I hate that I am still employed (with a contract) but haven’t worked a full day for over 15 months, am not getting any money and have no idea when or if I will ever be able to work again
- I hate that although my bed is wonderfully comfey I am too hot, too cold, too hot – or just one part of me is hot while the rest is cold
- I hate that all I want is to purchase a sible roll of sellotape and internet shopping has finally let me down. I can buy 6 rolls but not 1.
- I hate that my mind whirs like crazy but doesn’t seem to actually contain any useful, linear thoughts or figure anything out. When I try to access it it’s just blank.
- I hate that I am diagnosed with CFS when there is so much controversy about whether this is one condition or many and feeling like I have to prove how ill I am to qualify as proper CFS.
- I hate that most of the things I hate (like number 10) are formed from self construction and not direct outside influence. Except for sellotape and noise – those are definately external.
- I hate that I want to use my laptop and surf so much – and I also hate that when I try to cut down I realise the reason I do it so much is because I’m physically not able to do much else.
- I hate that I am hating things because I never like to use that word and I don’t want to be a moaner