Left Over Rant

I’m not done yet.  Fume, seethe, fester …

  1. I hate that I can’t just wash my hair when I feel like it
  2. I hate that I haven’t made it to the hairdressers in over a year
  3. I hate that noise of chainsaws and hedge cutters from work being done next door
  4. I hate that next door are having their hedge and shrubs cut back so now our garden looks even worse than ever and I could cry because I can’t do anything about it
  5. I hate that I get hungry but don’t really want food in my stomach – and even though I enjoy eating the food it makes my insides feel horrible.  Whatever I eat.
  6. I hate that I am still employed (with a contract) but haven’t worked a full day for over 15 months, am not getting any money and have no idea when or if I will ever be able to work again
  7. I hate that although my bed is wonderfully comfey I am too hot, too cold, too hot – or just one part of me is hot while the rest is cold
  8. I hate that all I want is to purchase a sible roll of sellotape and internet shopping has finally let me down.  I can buy 6 rolls but not 1.
  9. I hate that my mind whirs like crazy but doesn’t seem to actually contain any useful, linear thoughts or figure anything out.  When I try to access it it’s just blank.
  10. I hate that I am diagnosed with CFS when there is so much controversy about whether this is one condition or many and feeling like I have to prove how ill I am to qualify as proper CFS.
  11. I hate that most of the things I hate (like number 10) are formed from self construction and not direct outside influence.  Except for sellotape and noise – those are definately external.
  12. I hate that I want to use my laptop and surf so much – and I also hate that when I try to cut down I realise the reason I do it so much is because I’m physically not able to do much else.
  13. I hate that I am hating things because I never like to use that word and I don’t want to be a moaner

3 Responses to “Left Over Rant”

  1. 1 ouiser September 1, 2007 at 12:10 pm

    I KNEW you had it in ya! Don’t you feel better now that some of its out? Ok… well not better physically, but at least emotionally. I really feel for you Rachel! I had back-to-back months of being a near invalid and what a dark, scary place it was! I even found myself going to bed with hopes and prayers of not waking up the next morning. I don’t know how it happened, but by degree, I just started improving. Otherwise, I don’t know how much more I could have taken. I kept thinking about people who are paralyzed from the neck down and what it is about them that makes them so much better at coping than me, but I honestly think it is simply knowing what is wrong and knowing exactly what to expect when you wake up in the morning. For us, there is no certainty and that cruelness of knowing we could be better, but having no idea when to expect it. I wish I could offer you some words of encouragement here, but nothing I told myself back then seemed to help. You just have to do what your doing! Live by the minute, plan by the sock, and rant to your good friend Ouiser whenever you feel like it! If what they say about ME/CFS is true, there should be a period of improvement in about 10 to 15 years, he, he, he!

  2. 2 rachelcreative September 1, 2007 at 12:30 pm

    You know Ouiser – that cheered me up! No really. You made me laugh. Thanks for the support.

  3. 3 so_agreeing December 19, 2007 at 6:27 pm


    Add 5 years to item #1, and add vacuum cleaners and lawn movers to item #3. You lost me on the sellotape…

    But I’d amplify all your other points to double-strength, and post ’em on my blog.. if i had one.

    Keep on truckin!

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Push It 11 Sep 2011

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