Archive for August, 2007

Left Over Rant

I’m not done yet.  Fume, seethe, fester …

  1. I hate that I can’t just wash my hair when I feel like it
  2. I hate that I haven’t made it to the hairdressers in over a year
  3. I hate that noise of chainsaws and hedge cutters from work being done next door
  4. I hate that next door are having their hedge and shrubs cut back so now our garden looks even worse than ever and I could cry because I can’t do anything about it
  5. I hate that I get hungry but don’t really want food in my stomach – and even though I enjoy eating the food it makes my insides feel horrible.  Whatever I eat.
  6. I hate that I am still employed (with a contract) but haven’t worked a full day for over 15 months, am not getting any money and have no idea when or if I will ever be able to work again
  7. I hate that although my bed is wonderfully comfey I am too hot, too cold, too hot – or just one part of me is hot while the rest is cold
  8. I hate that all I want is to purchase a sible roll of sellotape and internet shopping has finally let me down.  I can buy 6 rolls but not 1.
  9. I hate that my mind whirs like crazy but doesn’t seem to actually contain any useful, linear thoughts or figure anything out.  When I try to access it it’s just blank.
  10. I hate that I am diagnosed with CFS when there is so much controversy about whether this is one condition or many and feeling like I have to prove how ill I am to qualify as proper CFS.
  11. I hate that most of the things I hate (like number 10) are formed from self construction and not direct outside influence.  Except for sellotape and noise – those are definately external.
  12. I hate that I want to use my laptop and surf so much – and I also hate that when I try to cut down I realise the reason I do it so much is because I’m physically not able to do much else.
  13. I hate that I am hating things because I never like to use that word and I don’t want to be a moaner

Hating the Hollow Echo of Nothingness

It’s going to be a self indlugent rant come pity fest this post I think.

I’ve been thinking a lot about Screw Bronze‘s blog post at Ouch about the silent life of disability.  About how some things you don’t get told about – because we try to keep certain things private (understandbly so).

I’m feeling.  Feeling a sort of overwhelming sadness, with smatterings of frustration and a hint of “it’s all hopeless”.

Everything which is average for most people – WAS average for me before – is now so all encompassing. 

Yesterday hubbie drove me to my dad’s and we drank tea and chatted for a couple of hours.  I enjoyed myself, I laughed, I belly laughed, I talked a lot.  After 1 hour and around 40 minutes I started to slow down – my speech, my reactions, my comprehension.  I felt kind of drunk before I even left the house to go.  But I was really drained after chatting.

What I hate is that friends and family feel they have to apologise for me feeling rubbish – that because we talked and laughed and it made me feel worse they have to say sorry.  They feel responsible.  It’s not fair on them to think that way.  It’s no-one’s fault.  Being able to chat for 2 hours in a light easy loving way shouldn’t be difficult! 

But it is.  So where does that leave me? I also asked the question – do I have to offset the emotional boost these kinds of visits give me against the physical price I inevitably pay?  When did I get to a point where this was so difficult?  Or was it this difficult 6 months ago and I pushed harder (and paid more)?

Argh!  What the hell happened to my life?

Next week we have a family celebration back in Wales with hubbie’s side of the family.  Just a quiet family meal out somewhere nice.  It’s over a week away.  Yet hubbie has already mapped out an energy maximising plan for (me) in terms of travel and so on.  And I’m already trying to plan how to conserve enough energy to get through it – and with luck to get through it without anyone much noticing I’m anything but normal. 

So I’m figuring out when I should have a bath so I can wash my hair to be half reasonably presented on the night.  And whilst hubbie has a plan I wonder if it involves minimum number of trips up and down stairs to get changed and so forth.  Because that’s my level of detail to conserve energy.  We’re not talking a quick sit for 20 minutes to boost the old battery.  We’re talking how many time I have to put a sock on and take it off.

It’s one evening.  I’ve been planning for a month – so I’ve avoided doing other things in an effort to recoop some energy and avoid expending it prior to this.

This weekend there’s a live arts event I really want to go to.  I think it would do me a great deal of good to get out and see different people.  To mic in that world for a while.  BUT even the effort of getting into the city – just of sitting in the car for 30 minutes and arriving at the venue already seems like too much.  Especially with this family celebration to attend days afterwards. 

I am seemingly down to one thing/trip a fortnight – possibly a month if it’s “big” (ie. more than one person, more than 2 hours or more stimulus than average).

I hate this.  I hate it.  How did my life get to this? 

I mean the good news is i can hear my moms voice in my head saying that it doesn’t matter what i wear, or how I look or what I am like when I get there – people just want to see me and they care about me. 

But there’s all this time you see.  This vast expanse of minutes.  All this gap between stuff.

I’m starting to think I have been trying to pack my minutes full of noise so I don’t have to face the hollow echo of nothingness.  That I’m afraid to let go of being a human “doing” and become a human “being”.  I thought I was past that.  But maybe not.  Or maybe it’s continual adjustment that’s needed.  Because spending a week being liad up and unable to do everyday things is one thing, being like that for a couple of months is quite another.  And I’m now facing having been like that consistently for many many months and staring at a future with more of the same to come.

What’s been additionally hard for me to bear is that I’m finding it so difficult to draw at the moment.  My drawings, my art, was adjusted to fot within my limitations as it was.  Now those seemingly have closed in and I don’t have enough control over the pen, or brain to make drawings, or energy to finish it and paint it and care about it.

Maybe I am so busy filling in the quiet spaces (with mainly laptop orientated stuff) I am actually depleting the resources I have and am in a viscous cycle.  Or maybe it’s a side effect of the amatriptyline.  Or maybe I am getting worse. 

Incoherent Blah Blah Blah

Yesterday I posted on my art blog about how I am happy in my core despite CFS/ME.  Whilst I still think that’s true it’s not the most immediate conclusion you would draw if you sat with me this last day and night. 

It started with not being able to get to sleep last night.  A combination of stomach/IBS type problems and what feels like a brick wall between me and sleep.  It’s not that my brain is overactive (which always used to be the reason I couldn’t sleep) or that I’m not tired – because I am in fact exhausted.  It just feels like trying to go to sleep when you’ve only been up a few hours – it’s not the right time.  My theory is that my body clock gets confused by the ME/CFS.

Whatever the reason it’s irritating.  Not the end of the world but frustrating and has a knock on effect.

During the first few attacks of this transient insomnia I removed myself from the bedroom and was sleepy enough after an hour or two to return to bed.  The amount of time it’s taking for that sleepiness to take hold has been getting longer and longer each time.

Last night I sat killing time until just after 5am.  It seemed if I didn’t go back to bed then I wouldn’t be in bed at all that night.  So back to bed and I dropped off as I heard the first birds singing the dawn chorus.  Sigh.

At 9.30am the phone rang (a wrong number) and I managed to dose for just an hour or so more.  I was one very grumpy lady.

The rest of the day so far has seen me staggering between quiet contentment and crazy wailing sadness/frustration.

My dad phoned this morning and spoke to Paul to catch up as I was still flopped in bed.  He’s wanting to fix up to see me (us) before they go on holiday and before my brithday.  Plus it seems ages since I saw them.  So he suggested lunch or a meal sometime next week and he would ring later to speak to me and make arrangements.

I found a sudden jetstream of energy and was able to both wash and dress, and even move downstairs to the lounge before lunch! (Well, just).  I managed to draw – a few nasty messes and one drawing I really rather like.  Which is a joy because I’ve so struggled to draw these last few weeks and have been missing it dreadfully. 

After lunch I found another little jetstream of energy (joy!) where I felt clear and human.  I was pretty certain (with just 4-5 hours sleep) that by late afternoon my battery would start to drain and I’d be in a useless state to talk to my dad.  So, feeling inspired to do something I thought what better way to spend my energy than chatting with my dad. 

I sat holding the phone for about 15 minutes trying to press the dial button.  I couldn’t do it. 

I couldn’t find myself to present to my dad.  I mean I was there, I was physically capable of pressing the button and holding the phone – but it was like Rachel had stepped out for a moment (a long moment). 

I was pretty sure that he would ask me things (how are you and so forth).  I was almost certain he would ask about meeting up and what would suit me best.  I had no idea how to answer.  I was rendered incapable of answering, of figuring out, of thinking things through, of trusting myself to remember what we agreed, of finding words to put in the right order, of not bursting into tears because I didn’t know what to say.

But this is my dad, my great love and my big squeezing hug of love.  It’s not because it was him – it was because of my brain. 

Paul found me holding the phone and I tried to explain why I couldn’t dial.  He had a momentary blast of frustration because it’s easy – just say x, y, z.  You get upset when people don’t get in touch and yet you get upset when they want to speak to you.  Torrential tears and snot follows (mine that is).

Paul apologised – he realised straight away that it isn’t easy.  Nothing is easy.  I’m very ill.  But the tears continued because what he said was what I was thinking.  It’s not difficult Rachel – just do it.  Except, well it’s hard to explain – “there is”, I said “a hole in my brain”.  A void, a rift, a gaping chasm where logic and figuring out and understanding and finding responses and knowing responses is supposed to be.

It’s frightening.  It’s really frightening.  I can’t figure out whether I will be ok to go out for lunch or not on such and such day – but I can figure out the inability to do so scares me witless.  And that exposing the me with that brain hole is frightening.  What if people think I am stupid, or mental, or depressed?  Because I am not any of these.  What if people (my dad) worry about me – which of course they are (he is) bound to do.  I don’t want to show them my exposed major failing of brain and subsequent upset because that’s just a snapshot of my being and I don’t want them (him) to carry that image of me with them when the majority of my time I am ok and content.

So I get more upset because I don’t know that being honest is the right thing to do either.  Paul says now I am working myself into a state and I think (or trust) that he is right.

In the end I get what I need – a clear idea of what to do to deal with the situation.  Because Paul figures it out for me and tells me.  Text dad, tell him I’m still feeling rubbish and will ring tomorrow – and suggest that afternoon tea would be better than lunch or a meal (because my time slot for ok-ness for such things is limited). 

Well, it’s simple isn’t it?  But I would not have been capable of arriving at this conclusion myself.  Me.  The person who is highly skilled at problem solving, figuring things out, be empathetic – knowing the right things to do and the simple solutions to stuff.  Now with a big hole in my brain.

I think the hole is gone again.  Well it is unless I try to make a decision or answer a question.  I can manage questions like “what would you like to drink?” because I can remember the taste of the options I usually go for – though sometimes Paul has to suggest one or two for me to point and say “yer tha’ one”.  But anything out of the ordinary – well it gets tricky some days.  I’ve learnt to be better at saying “I have no idea” and “I am totally not bothered which” about the not so important things – because deciding is so impossible and it’s better to be blunt than get upset or frustrated over not knowing what telly programme I would rather watch.

I’ve blogged before about my cognitive functioning kicking up.  Having had so little sleep I know rationally it’s not a huge shock I’m having the problem again today.  But bloody hell it sucks!

I realise that not many people really know how bad it can get.  How bad any of my CFS/ME symptoms can get.  How bad things can get on a not particularly different sort of day to normal.  Which is why I’m blogging partly – because Paul suggested I could at least show this to my dad and then he would know a bit more. 

I pondered that I don’t want people to see this side of me because

a) I don’t want them worrying and carrying this very dismal picture of my life with them, and

b) because when I speak to them and show them this side of me with this illness it makes me see it from their perspective – my life, my challenges against the back drop of “normal” lives.  It brings into sharp focus how limited and challenging my life is.  It makes me sad for myself. 

I can function quite happily in my bubble and most of the time that’s fine because I’m not able to do much.  The conflict comes in wanting to do scaled down versions of normal things, behaving in normal ways – when I am just not able to.  To want to meet for a quiet pub lunch and a chat, when I know I can’t even wash myself every day.   When the reality of what I am able to do on a normal decent day without any pressure or any change to normal routine is minute compared to what a healthy person could and does do.  Let alone trying to put on a semi normal face and perform as a battling through it, living a full life despite CFS type person.

I know this is a massive rambling blog.  I want to be succinct and I want to show you how positive life can be even with this illness.  But at the same time I am often full of incoherent thoughts, inabilities to process information and have a shitty difficult time – even if I am able to smile through it.

My brain fog was at it’s worst last Christmas at what I consider to be the beginning of this current episode/relapse.  I was still trying to do too much then.  I found myself not being able to remember processes that were automatic to me normally.  I used to make a cup of tea without thinking too much – now I have to focus very hard and have a (large print) tick list in my mind.  I even have to say the steps out loud to get through it sometimes – cup, kettle on, teabag (in the tin – into the cup), etc.  Back then I couldn’t remember that after I’d been for a wee I needed to pull my pants up before my trousers and was always trying to pull trousers up first.  I found myself standing at the basin for a wash forgetting what to do next.  I had to write lists of every single thing I needed to do that day just to function. 

Sometimes, even now, I catch myself knowing I am now going to brush my teeth and having the toothbrush in my hand but momentarily forgetting what and where that stuff is that goes on it … paste … oh yes it’s in my hand and it’s … toothpaste!  Yes, that’s it.

I have been giving thought recently to why I can blog and email but struggle with the phone and face to face.  Is it really a cognitive problem or is it fear? 

Well it’s both.  Often it’s the cognitive problem – it’s the listening, then comprehension, then reacting, then reading my reaction, then censoring if appropriate, then responding.  It’s a complex process and my brain stumbles sometimes.  And the times when it seems to working fine – well then it’s fear, but it’s fear of this stumbling starting up mid conversation.  Once it starts the stress comes creeping in and that fuels the problems.  With email and comments and so forth – I can respond in my own time, slowly, deliberately – I can read it back and I can use the delete key.

So I’m not hiding.  I’m coping as best as I can.  The choice for me isn’t human contact or internet contact.  For the majority of my time it is a choice between internet contact or no contact.

I have heard myself say many times in social and formal situations – “Erm, no.  My brain has gone.”  I don’t think anyone I say it to (except maybe Paul) realises what that really means.  That there’s a big fat blank empty space in my brain.  It’s not just losing a train of thought – it’s losing everything, even if it’s just for a few moments (which usually it is thank god).

I’m not sure how to end this writing.  I can say more, I wish I had said less.  But I know I’m tired now and I feel sure I have covered the big points – I hope you have managed to unpick some of it and forgive the sloppiness. 

I know it’s not the clearest writing ever – but you see I’m having some problems with my brain today.

New CSF Guidelines for UK Doctors

NICE (National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence) has issued a press release yesterday for the new CFS guidelines for UK doctors.

Although the guidelines remain controversial with widespread criticism from “patient groups” in the UK it seems the press coverage has focused on the more favourable aspects of the guidelines.

The Health Service has issued the first guidance on how to treat ME sufferers after being urged to bring the condition ‘out of the wilderness’.It aims to redress years of prejudice against those with chronic fatigue syndrome – the term by which ME is now often known – who were told the condition was ‘all in the mind’.

The NHS guidelines instruct doctors not to tell patients to ‘go to the gym’ as this could make them worse.

Although those suffering from the condition can benefit from gentle exercise, they should not be coerced into it.

Family doctors are also advised to refer children with symptoms of the disorder to a paediatrician within six weeks.

The guidelines state that a diagnosis should be made within three months in children and four months in adults. 

 from The Daily Mail 23 Aug 2007

Andrew Dillon, the chief executive at Nice who was in charge of the guidelines, said: “The condition can cause debilitating symptoms, impacting significantly on the lives of those with ME, and their families and carers.

“Until now there have been uncertainties about the diagnosis and management of this condition.

“This new guideline will help health professionals make an accurate diagnosis, while considering other conditions that may be present.”

Prof Richard Baker from the University of Leicester, who chaired the guideline development group, said: “Care for people with ME has varied widely, with some people feeling that their illness isn’t recognised by the healthcare system.

“The publication of this ME guideline is an important opportunity to change the current situation for the better, helping healthcare professionals and individuals by providing clear advice on how best to manage this disabling condition.”

Action for ME, a charity for victims, said the guidelines could be a “landmark in the mainstreaming of ME as a legitimate illness”, provided that the medical establishment pays attention to them.

from The Telegraph 23 Aug 2007

Sufferers and patient groups welcome the patient centred focus of the guidelines but there are still flaws in the guidelines (which had to be delayed from publication as the original draft faced fierce criticism from the patient lobby and many CFS/ME experts).

AFME (Action for M.E.) welcome the new drive to improve services for sufferers and recognise the importance of building a strong working relationship with the NHS. However, they also recognise some of the failings of the new guidelines and crucial aspects needed for this iniative to be successful (I’ve edited a few paragraphs out to keep it succinct for you):

Guideline flaws
The Guidelines are still influenced by the history of research in this area, which has produced findings that can not be generalised to all people with M.E. and which therefore once again place an over-emphasis on CBT and GET. …

Two-year review
These guidelines have a two year lifespan before they are reviewed, unless there are significant developments beforehand. Action for M.E. hopes that the research on the patient-centred and patient-developed model of management – pacing – will be available then and this research would provide a counterbalance to the over-reliance on CBT and GET.

Greater investment
The potential for the NICE guidelines to improve practice can only be fully realised if services for people with M.E. are fully funded and we will campaign energetically for a greater level of investment, particularly in those areas that pioneer new models of service delivery that address the position of children and the most severely affected.

 
We have campaigned and will be campaigning strenuously in future for massively greater investment in bio-medical research into the aetiology and pathogenesis of M.E. as a way of finding more effective treatments. It is only through greater research that significant improvements in the outlook for people with M.E. can be made.

from AFME news 22 Aug 2007

The ME Association is yet to issue their response to the new guidelines publication. 

They were highly critical of the first draft not least for “its emphasis on CBT and graded exercise as therapies of first choice” (which I would agree with).  As these elements remain in the finalised guidelines it will be interesting to hear their reaction.

It seems the new guidelines are a mixed blessing, both for sufferers and for GP’s.

Chronic Ill Models of Behaviour

I’m by no means an authority but it struck me as interesting how different people cope with chronic illness if different ways.  I don’t just mean emotional and practical coping strategies – I mean how they invest their energies as a result of having a chronic illness.

Let me illustrate with examples of folks I’ve come across via the web:

Become an activistJodi is a bed activist who started her own web site about M.E. to try and give others reliable information about this illness and bring about change.  Although she can’t do much in her day to day life she still finds time to devote to her activism because it’s so important to her.

Become a role modelJenni started a blog about how it was possible to be chronically ill and a babe at the same time.  As it grew into the sire that is now ChronicBabe she became a role model for other young women knowing they too can face the challenges of chronic illness and still be beautiful, happy and fulfilled.

Search for medical answers – for many a chronic illness diagnosis is vague and little is offered in terms of treatment.  Diagnosis X is still searching for answers as are many others.  Some have a firm diagnosis but either challenge their treatment or search for new treatments.  I have found more lay people with amazing knowledge of medical research and treatments for specific conditions than I could care to mention and their search for answers amazes me.

Hide your health problems – well, it’s not fair to actually name people in a post like this when they’re doing so much to hide their chronic health conditions!  But they exist, they talk quietly and only to a select few about their illness – to the rest of the world they seem able and fit.  Some blog anon, some probably don’t even speak of it at all. 

Find a cure and share it – some people develop their own methods of treatments and “cures” for chronic conditions and then set out to share them with the world.  Some do it freely, others make a little money, others make a lot of money.  I’m not naming names as I don’t want to seem to recommend treatments.

Denial – it’s not happening to me.  For many of us we go through a natural phase of denial as part of coming to terms with our chronic illness.  It persists longer for some than others.

Commit to alternative therapies – challenge your energy into exploring and often re-training in alternative and holistic therapies.

Publicise / fundraise – make it your mission to educate the world about the chronic condition you suffer from and/or take on challenges big and small to fund support and/or research into the condition.

Take it as it comes – those who trot along dealing with their illness on a day to day basis and changing priorities as things shift and change.  Some days they greet the world with cheer despite their illness, some days they hide away, some they write letters and emails to anyone who will listen. 

Live a normal (ish) life – knowing your illness and yourself live a life that is relatively normal – quietly going about your business.  Perhaps (often) changes and adaptations are made to life and working arrangements but their chronic illness is not the loudest or most important aspect of them – especially to those outside their close circle.

For those interested I think I fit a lot of these at different times!  Mainly I am currently “Take it as it comes” with aspirations to live a full happy life and inspire others to do the same.

I know there are more ‘models’.  I know that many of these overlap.  I know I did a sucky job of illustrating  examples with links you can go and explore yourself.  I know that my ‘models’ are over simplistic.

I’m not even sure what I set out to say!  I think I’m interested in how some embrace their illness and make a feature of it, some kick up a fight with all they have, some just get on with it and appear “normal” and others quietly get on with it but illness dominates their lives. 

Some of this is not down to choice I realise.  Some are luckier than others in the level of suffering, the support around them and maybe even with their strength of character. 

I suppose when we’re healthy we’re all different and being chronically ill doesn’t change that.  It just sometimes changes our focus a little.

POSTSCRIPT:

There’s another ….

Forget about labels – and do it your own way

CFS Changes My Wants

My birthday is coming up and I know it’s not long before a few folks start asking me what I want for my birthday.

Now I don’t want to sound ungrateful here.  I am very grateful indeed.  But it struck me this year how my wants have changed in the last 18 months.

Last year I didn’t want anything much but came up with a list of CD’s, DVD’s and books I would like.

This year … there’s nothing much I can be bought.  I either want hugely expensive things (like an electric bike for better days so I can sycle with my husband again and I can get to the shops, post office etc) or they are ridiculously mundane.

Even my old faithfuls are on dodgey ground. 

See, I don’t much listen to music – not off my own back.  At first it was the effort of changing the CD and having to get up and go over to the stereo.  Now I just really enjoy the peace and quiet.  My house is in a pretty quiet spot and I love listening to the wind in the trees, the birds, the passing swoosh of cars.

I find it tricky to watch DVD’s.  I just can’t summon the enthusiasm in the day time to be locked into a story for over an hour.  In the evenings we sometimes watch films (tv can be so rubbish) but I’m wary of extending past a comfortable bed time, and of being over stimulated just before sleep.  Films have always had a big impact on me and now it’s harder than ever to switch off afterwards.

Books … well I love books, always have.  But I can’t seem to read anymore.  Earlier this year I discovered the words started to swim on the page and my problems with cognitive function can make reading quite a chore.   However, now I read on the computer screen quite a lot frequenting blogs and so forth, so reading books should be accessible to me.  Yet somehow my interest isn’t there – whether it’s just the physical effort of holding the book and turning pages or whether I’m lacking a certain something to get hooked into reading I don’t know.

Even the book I bought recently on acrylic techniques has only had it’s pictures looked at.  I cannot seem to focus my mind to read.

Even my beloved NDS and hubbie’s PS2 aren’t inspiration for gifts.  I have a couple of games ready to be played that I really wanted – but I just can’t seem to muster the right mood for it.

My life is so simplified.

I don’t go anywhere and I don’t go out to shop.  I can’t even ask for vouchers.  My shopping is almost exclusively internet shopping now and anything else is happily provided by hubbie.  I could ask for vouchers for online stores I use – but they’re mostly obscure and not frequented by those doing the asking.

I use just a few toiletries and have no need for perfumes, moisturisers or indulgent products.  My ezcma flares now so I have to be so careful what I use and even my favourite perfumes are too overwhelming for me because of CFS/ME.

I have no hobbies to speak of.  I draw and paint but I have found myslef using less and less tools so there’s little scope there.

One thing which has come of this taking stock is realising how I have achieved a great deal in reducing my consumerism this year!  I have a way to go – I’m no saint.  But it shows how material things are less important.  I am more concerned about my vitamins and medications than any other purchase.

I’ve found a few things to ask for because there are those who just want to buy me a present.  It’s things like socks, thermal tops, fleece blanket, thick altar candles (I love to watch the candle light on dull autumn/winter days). 

In some ways it would be great to ask for a voucher for an action – take me for a haircut, take me for a wheelie walk somewhere quiet one day, sell my car for me, clean my kitchen floor, read me a story/magazine/newspaper/book, sort my junk out for me, flea treat the cat, motivate my landlord into replacing the rotten windows in our house so I don’t freeze this winter again, respite care for me for a day so hubbie can go play golf with friend and have time off, send me a card or a letter once a month to raise my spirits without expecting a reply.  But those who want to give such things would do so anyway.  It’s easier to buy a CD.

I remember my mom pleading with me one year before Mothers Day that she didn’t really want a gift, she just wanted help.  She’d rather I hoovered the house than spent money on something she didn’t need. 

I also remember every year for Christmas my Grandma J asking my mom for support tights for Christmas.  It always seemed such a spoilt opportunity to me as a child and a teenager. 

Now I am starting to fully understand.

PS: This is not an excuse to tell you it’s my birthday soon.  See how I am not telling you when?  I am quite happy to let this year pass by quietly as I’m too knackered, achey and ill to let me hair down (or even to wash it).

I’m Such A Grump

Sorry I’m such a grump at the moment folks. 

Well, strictly speaking I am a mixed up bag of stuff.

I know I’m in here somewhere – the actual me.  Here’s flimsy proof after I stole Puglet’s stolen idea


You Are a Green Crayon


Your world is colored in harmonious, peaceful, natural colors.

While some may associate green with money, you are one of the least materialistic people around.

Comfort is important to you. You like to feel as relaxed as possible – and you try to make others feel at ease.

You’re very happy with who you are, and it certainly shows!Your color wheel opposite is red. Every time you feel grounded, a red person does their best to shake you.

What Color Crayon Are You?


Fundraising


Push It 11 Sep 2011

for ME Research

CFS Links & Resources

See my entire list of CFS/ME/CFIDS links to sites, articles and resources via del.io.us
http://del.icio.us/rachelcreative/M.E.
New stuff is added all the time.