Not Getting To Sleep

I’ve had quite a few distrupted nights sleep this last week or so.  Usually I get the odd night here and there – usually because I have something consuming on my mind, or because I have consumed too much.  🙂

This is different.

I’m doing my usual bed time routine.  I’m going to bed around 10-10.30pm.  It’s usual for it to take me between 10 and thirty minutes to drop off to sleep.  But for maybe 4 out of 8 nights I’ve still been awake at 1am.  I think 2 hours past my normal drop off point is quite long enough to lie around waiting for sleep to come.

The last 3 times I’ve got up, surfed a little and even written in my journal.   Around 3am I go back to bed and seem to drop off pretty easily.

I really hope this isn’t the beginning of a screwy body clock for me.

I’ve always felt I’m a bit of a night owl.  I always had the sense that one day I would be a prolific artist working through the night and sleeping through most of the morning. 

Maybe it’s not such a bad idea … it’s certainly quiet and my broadband is free at this time of night!  But it’s not ideal – especially when you rely on other people to prepare meals for you and your dinner time is way out of synch with theirs. 

Plus, the big drawback of being about in the middle of the night is that ever since I got burguled around 4 years ago whilst I lay in my bed, I’ve been terrified of the dark.  It rekindled all my childhood fears of shadowy figures in the dark, plus a very real terror of some bloke breaking into my house in the darkness.

I have an odd thought about why I go to bed feeling tired, sleepy and ready for bed – then lie there for over 2 hours without falling asleep.  When I awake from sleeping I am exhausted and fatigued, much like I feel at the end of the day.  It’s as though when I go to bed and don’t fall asleep quickly (for whatever reason) it’s almost as though the day starts over again for me.  I feel more awake than when I awake from asleep in fact. 

Lying in the darkness (with night light of course) I am ready to start the day – I have almost forgotten I have not slept.  So coming away from the bedroom and into the light I occupy myself (surf, blog, whatever) until I am very tired indeed and my eyes are sore so that suddenly my whole body and mind remember I still in fact need to sleep!

It helps that I have no commitments and the world will still turn whatever time I sleep to tomorrow.  So for now I will do what I can and (most importantly) try not to worry about it.

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