Oh grrr! I spent hours and hours over the last two days methodically doing some work online … upload, click, copy, paste, click, wait, click, wait, click, etc.
I know my brain doesn’t work so well since developing my illness so I made a list of all the tiny chunks of tasks I needed to do and in what order. I took my time and I was so pleased to have a couple of days when I was capable of doing such tasks and would get something out of it at the end.
Except … once I was very near the end, checking links and so forth, I discovered the basic assumptions I had been working on were wrong. I spent 2 days changing this whole site to work in a “better way” only to discover that way sucks. Only 10% of it is keepable – so I have another 2 days of work to get back to where I was.
What frustrates me most isn’t the loss of the work. Even the loss of the ‘capable time’ isn’t the worst part. The thing I hate about it is that I wasn’t sharp enough to test the basic principle at the beginning. To test it was what I wanted instead of my brain going “oh yer – good idea … la la la …” and forgetting to make sure the basic principle was sound.
There was a time, not so very long ago, when my mind worked in a way that meant every angle would be considered, contemplated and scrutinised before getting stuck into the actual doing of the thing.
I know I have to get stuck into doing most of the time before I forget what I was about to do 🙂
But, but, but … why isn’t my mind as keen, sharp … erm … I can’t think of a word that means “thinking in a wide and encompassing way”. Sigh.
It’s not a real angry rant. It’s just a humph really. I hoped a blog might help get it off my chest – because I know why and I know it doesn’t really matter. That I will just get up and do it all again (hopefully properly) when I am able to next. And that trying to be clever in my current state of health and cognitive function is probably not a sensible thing to do.
So I think it has helped and I think “Keep It Simple” is the lesson to be learnt here!