Life Plan B

If you had asked me prior to ME/CFS I wouldn’t have said I had a life plan – at least not beyond being happy.

Chronic illness can put a different focus on life and all the details within.  I found out that I had more of a plan that I thought – it just took having all these obstacles in the way to see it.

Silly thing is that chronic illness doesn’t neccesarily make what I want from life vastly different to before – my plan A was broad brush strokes and feel my way.  But it does bring things into a sharper focus, making me evaluate and prioritise in order to survive.

I’m not sure it’s good enough for me to take a “we’ll see” attitude to starting and raising a family anymore.  I’m 34 this year and time is rolling by, but my level of debility hasn’t changed much in the last 8 months.  I can hardly look after my own day to day needs let alone a childs.

Same with career.  The “one day”mantra, which used to sound so carefree has a defeatist ring to it these days.  I don’t have the energy or health to burst kick-ass into a new blossoming career and to Make Things Happen. But I reckon that’s all the more reason to get started now.  With a little by little, gently does it approach it’s going to take a lot of time to build any momentum. 

And you never do know what’s around the corner.  That’s one lesson I have certainly learnt.

I have the same broad brush strokes about happiness, love, career, security and family in my Plan B even if the details are a little different.  Now I seem to be looking at it all from a very different perspective, a chronically ill perspective.  I don’t know when or if I will be any better, or even any worse.

I feel I have to start making choosing some goals, deciding to leave others and shuffling slowly towards the achievable. 

I’ve never been very good at choosing, for fear of making a mistake.  But if I don’t I fear the prizes will slip away altogether.


2 Responses to “Life Plan B”

  1. 1 dxunknown July 25, 2007 at 2:48 am

    Well dang! I’ve been visiting your rachelcreative blog and didn’t even realize you had this one! I know where you are coming from with the Plan B. I’m still in the “this ain’t over yet” phase so I’ve not officially started my plan B. I feel as though I’m living out of boxes all the time, afraid to make any concrete plans. Everything is JUST TEMPORARY, until I get better, right? I somehow think it will come very much like yours… once I KNOW what I’m facing, have some idea of what might lie ahead… things will be much more clear. Meanwhile, the holding pattern sucks, but that’s what I’ve been given to work with. I’m going to add this blog to my blogroll (I would ask permission first, but I’ve forgotten so many that way) and check in from time to time! Keep sharing! IT TRULY HELPS!

  2. 2 Jacqueline L. Jones July 25, 2007 at 5:51 pm

    About four years ago I decided to get disability, get well, or find something I could do within my limitations. Plan C is now working.

    I have a blog, sell products online, and am working on my first book. I’ve never been happier.

    When I stopped trying to gain everyone’s respect by trying to be what they wanted me to be, I gained their respect, and my own, by being who I am. I open the exit door for anyone who can’t handle that.

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