If you had asked me prior to ME/CFS I wouldn’t have said I had a life plan – at least not beyond being happy.
Chronic illness can put a different focus on life and all the details within. I found out that I had more of a plan that I thought – it just took having all these obstacles in the way to see it.
Silly thing is that chronic illness doesn’t neccesarily make what I want from life vastly different to before – my plan A was broad brush strokes and feel my way. But it does bring things into a sharper focus, making me evaluate and prioritise in order to survive.
I’m not sure it’s good enough for me to take a “we’ll see” attitude to starting and raising a family anymore. I’m 34 this year and time is rolling by, but my level of debility hasn’t changed much in the last 8 months. I can hardly look after my own day to day needs let alone a childs.
Same with career. The “one day”mantra, which used to sound so carefree has a defeatist ring to it these days. I don’t have the energy or health to burst kick-ass into a new blossoming career and to Make Things Happen. But I reckon that’s all the more reason to get started now. With a little by little, gently does it approach it’s going to take a lot of time to build any momentum.
And you never do know what’s around the corner. That’s one lesson I have certainly learnt.
I have the same broad brush strokes about happiness, love, career, security and family in my Plan B even if the details are a little different. Now I seem to be looking at it all from a very different perspective, a chronically ill perspective. I don’t know when or if I will be any better, or even any worse.
I feel I have to start making choosing some goals, deciding to leave others and shuffling slowly towards the achievable.
I’ve never been very good at choosing, for fear of making a mistake. But if I don’t I fear the prizes will slip away altogether.