We lost a friend of the family yesterday to a long battle with cancer. This loss is making me think all the more about life, death, purpose. Life is precious and we should all make the most of it.
But. There are so many things in life and I have so much time, yet so little energy or concentration. There are all the things I want to do and then all the things that need to be done. So many things, so much stuff and it mounts up when you struggle to even do the small things. My achievements today are having a bath and balancing my monthly budget. These are big things for me!
Energy seems in an ever less supply. Things/stuff to increase every day. I’m caught in the middle with frustration piling up and eating away at that energy.
It minded me of equations at school. They said everthing on the right side needs to balance everything on the left side and that’s what’s at work here. My expectations and desires far exceed my ability.
I need a major adjustment. Which scares me as I do so little already – to let go of more, to ask for more help, to learn not to care about huge sections of life – it’s frightening. But seemingly necessary?
It’s something like:
stuff done = energy / time
But what I can’t work out is how to show potential stuff and where stuff not done goes . That’s what happens when a woman not strong at maths gets CFS and tries to make an equation I guess. Erm …
potential stuff – (energy / time) = stuff not done
Any ideas how to get my life to add up?