These day I tend to have a wash every other day – sometimes if I’m really unwell I go three days.
I’m not particularly proud of this fact but needs must. The only people who get close enough to sniff me on a daily basis understand that when energy is limited it’s sometimes better to spend it on things that make the days enjoyable/human and not on things that make the day cleaner. (See The Spoon Theory)
Some days I feel really disgusted with myself. I think how lazy, how horrible that I don’t wash every day.
Some days when I start to wash I think I really am letting myself down because it’s so simple and so easy to just have a wash!
So I wash and promise that I will definately wash every day from now on. No excuses.
Then I dry myself and think ” my arms are a bit wobbly”. Hmm.
Then I brush my teeth. Even though I have an electric toothbrush (which is much less effort than a manual) after a moment I need to sit on the edge of the bath as I’m feeling a bit tired and weird. Hmmm.
Then I rinse my mouth and my brush and dry both on my towel. Ok so now I feel a bit weary.
Then I remember I really must brush my hair. Now holding my arms up to brush and moving them and co-ordinating these efforts is quite a task some days. So my arms are definately a bit weak now. Hmmmm.
Oh and as I have washed my face my skin has become tight and super dry so I must put on moisturiser – oh and first I need to shake/squeeze some out of the bottle. Now I need to sit on the edge of the bath again while I apply it and co-ordinate my hands and muscles to puch it around my face. Hmmmmm.
Now I put the moisturiser bottle back up on the shelf. Oh boy – getting really weary now.
Oh, and as I’ve been using water I probably need to put some eczma cream on. Now – most days I just think about that and decide I haven’t enough of anything left in my body and stopping to do one more thing is just too much. I’m calculating how much energy I need to get from the bathroom back to the safety of the bedroom. Sitting in the bathroom isn’t comfortable or warm especially in pyjamas – so I have to have enough energy to make it back along the landing (the whole 5 or 6 foot steps that requires).
Oh, and of course I forgot to say that at some point I need to put my clothes back on and I get a bit cold even with the heater on. I realise I had forgotten that putting clothes on is quite tiring. Hmmmmmm.
So I flush the loo and stagger/stumble from the bathroom like a wobbly greyhound in slow motion just released from the traps. I propel myself to the bedroom and flop into bed.
I think to myself that I am probably just exagerating – I could have put that eczma cream on and now my eczma flare-ups are itching. But my body is not responding easily to the idea of even moving let alon heading back for the cream and I sense I am breathing heavily – I am suddenly aware how utterly exhausted I am.
And then (welcome back brain) I remember why I only wash every other day.