It’s hard to accept the impact my chronic illness and recent acceptance of disability has on everyone around me. It’s a massive adjustment for me to make but for them also.
My fear is that they will be distressed, upset, worry and my tendency has been to hide the true extent of my illness.
I’m learning they fear:
- adding to my burden
- not getting things quite right (them being the healthy ones with the non fogged brains)
- that I won’t get better (which is possible) and then guilt I suppose for thinking I need to be better to be happy, fulfilled, lovable, whatever
Much as I am grieving for things in my life I have lost and things in my life that may never be – I think many of them are grieving too. I have limitations and I can’t be there as much for people as once I was, I’m not really one to lean on day to day as it takes such a toll on my health, I can’t run about and get things done as before, I can’t pop out for a meal or a trip on a whim.
I’m learning to live again, and so are my family and my friends. I am so very grateful to have people around me who want to make that change with me. My blind assumption that they will love me less if I give less does them and me a great disservice. I’m going to make mistakes along the way I’m sure and so are they – but I must keep communicating with them and trusting them.
PS: The “or ignorant” in the heading of ths blog post refers to those who choose not to understand, not to learn, not to come with me. There must be a better word – I’m sure I’ll discover it along the way.