Crocs Comfortable and Practical

I’ll admit Crocs are not the most attractive shoes but I do find them comfortable and practical.  Last summer I wore my grey Cayman Crocs most days.  When you’re housebound it’s easy and tempting to wear slipper all day long but it’s important to wear shoes from time to time to keep your feet well supported and healthy.

I find Crocs easy to wear.  You can slip them on as easy as slippers using the strap around your heel if you like for more security.  They are wide and give the feet plenty of room whilst offering toes some protection.  They are light weight and very stable (they don’t bend or twist side to side) which is great when mobility is a problem.  You can keep them clean by washing them under the tap and if you’re lucky enough to use them on the beach or the great outdoors they also float.

So when I had the chance of getting a pair of Crocs Baya from FitnessFootwear I was delighted.  I selected another neutral colour of chocolate, although the shoes are somewhat darker than the official Crocs photos show chocolate to be.

Crocs Baya are similar to the Cayman style but the front part of the shoe is a slightly different shape.  It also has the Crocs logo in relief along the side of the shoe.

I found the Baya to be a little more narrow across the mid part of the foot and a snugger fit than the Cayman.  Also the ankle strap when placed on the top of the shoe tends to work it’s way up and doesn’t stay snuggly on the apex of the shoe.

But I do love my Crocs!  After months of wearing slippers the knobbly footbed really feels like it’s massaging the soles of me feet and I feel much better supported.  I can slip them on to flop about the house and kick them off when I want to put my feet up.  The airholes make them cooler than my trainers in hot weather but when it’s very hot my feet do tend to get a little warm.

I have been known to wear my Crocs outside of the house although I know opinion is divided on the look of them.  They have good grip and give a wide base but perhaps are not the high end of fashion!  For me though they offer comfort and practicality on many levels.

Crocs Rx have been endorsed by podiatrics and are sanctioned for use in some US hospitals. They can offer great support and benefits to those with arthritis and various foot problems.  They’re only just becoming available to buy in the UK.

Crocs aren’t to everyone’s taste I know.  But they do offer me a good alternative for practical, comfortable, easy to use footwear.

My Secret Shame

Privately, secretly, I carry a terrible shame. It’s all about the state of my home.

I’ve been sick to the point of incapacity for 2 and a half years now. So it’s been over 2 and a half years since I could do any proper housework. 

Growler is brilliant and he does the best he can.  But there are still jobs that don’t get done.

Clutter is piled up around the house. Stuff put in piles and left in boxes to sort out another day. Another day which never comes.

The garden which I love continues to grow wildly with no-one tending it.  Growler does the lawns and will apply weedkiller when asked.  But the hedges and shrubs grow and grow.  Last year I paid £400 for a firm to spend one day cutting things back to a tidy and manageable level.  Once the warm weather comes most of the work will be undone.

I established some time ago that I am not well enough to tackle the gardening even in small amounts.  It is physically too taxing for me.

The same for housework.  I do the odd thing infrequently but it’s such a tiny amount. Largely things stays the way they are and things gets dirtier.  Clutter mounts up.

I am utterly ashamed.  I am ashamed of the way I live, the way I have become.  Of my failures which are evident in the dust and the grime, in the hedge encroaching the pavement, in the shrubs closing in.

I am so ashamed if I think about it for too long I could weep.  So ashamed I don’t invite people to stay or to visit because they’ll see how bad it is and see my failures.

I wonder if the people who 2 years ago said “If there’s anything I can do to help…” really meant it.  Whether they meant fetching a pint of milk or whether they would get their hands dirty and do the things I really need help with.  But I’m too ashamed to ask and too ashamed to tell them the grotty jobs that need to be done.

Because where I need help is the things which aren’t cosy and aren’t talked about.  I need people to come and clean for a hour, or come and garden for a hour.  To come and sort out clutter and ferry stuff to the charity shop or flog it on ebay for me.

I guess there’s a quiet thought about cleaning and gardening and decluttering. That I have a husband so he can do it.  But there’s only so much one man can do.  He works full time to support us both whilst caring for me.  He takes care of all the bills, washes and cooks, hoovers and looks after the cat, shops and takes out the rubbish. He baths me, he plans for me, he leaves me food and drink, flasks and cooked meals to get me through the day.  He soothes me when I’m pain and when I’m not coping.  He holds me when I’m scared and when my heart is breaking.  He worries about me 24/7.

How can I ask him to do anymore?  How long before he buckles from the load?

It shouldn’t fall to just one person.

So I need help. And the shame stings.

I am ashamed I don’t have friends.  That while I was well I didn’t make friendships which means now I have very few people to call on.  I suppose there’s a chance even if I had they wouldn’t have stuck around until now.  Chronic illness changes friendships I know.  But I will never know because I didn’t give more of myself to friendship when I could.

So it seems that the only people who really want to get stuck in to help are Growler and my mother. My mother who is 65 and has her heart problems so is not up to the task but so desperately wants to make things better for me.  I won’t watch my mother give herself palpatations to save my own health.

I don’t want to blame other people.  But I wish others ‘got it’ a bit more.  I’m not going to ring them up and say “will you come clean my floors for me?”, “will you come wipe the mould off the window frames for me?”, “will you come clean out my drain?”, will you come wipe down the doorframes where the cat rubs his grotty face against?”. 

Maybe they think I’m happy to live like this.  Maybe they’ve forgotten about me.  Maybe they are waiting for me to ask.  Maybe they don’t really want to help.  Maybe I don’t really have anyone to call on.  Or maybe they think that it’s been 2 years so I must have found a way to cope by now (rather than it’s been 2 years and things must be really bad by now).  Maybe they’re just too busy.

It’s almost certainly my fault for staying quiet.  But how do you ask for help with things that are so personal and are your failings?

I know some people say “my house is a tip” but I really mean it when I say mine is dirty.  I know if I was well I could get through most of it in a weekend (maybe two).  If I just had a healthy young substitute.

I can’t afford to pay for a cleaner. I worry what they would think.  I’m also told they will usually only clean once you’ve tidied which isn’t much use to me.

I’m frightened and ashamed to ask Social Services if they can help.  Frightened that their idea of helping will be to offer help with meals and washing when what I want is help with cleaning and chores.

I want to run away.  I want to leave this house and find a clean new one.  To start afresh with less rooms and less garden.  But I worry sick to my stomach that I’d just make the new place as dirty as this one.  That I’d infect it.  I’d have a new shame to face.  Besides the obstacles to moving are not insignificant and would mean getting rid of the clutter and cleaning this place anyway.

I’m seriously considering trying to hire a gardener because the thought of it getting more out of control makes me feel nauseous.  That if I can find someone who’ll come just twice a month maybe I can just spend the money and make sacrifices elsewhere.

As for the clutter and the cleaning … I started a few weeks ago with Growler to do half an hour of ‘chuck or recycle’ each weekend.  We made a small but encouraging dent.  So it could work.  Less stuff would make cleaning a lot easier. For someone.

I’m wondering whether to directly ask my brother for help. Perhaps with ferrying piles of stuff to the charity shop.  He lived with us for two years and never volunteered to help me.  So it’s a long shot and has potential to fail.

Last time I gathered my courage and when a friend voluntereed to help do my filing I was elated that someone was going to help.  And that they were happy to do it.  She never came.   Her own life get too busy.  The filing is still not done a year later.  It was a crushing disappointment.

I considered writing an open letter to everyone I know saying “I need help”.  I need help with decluttering and cleaning and I need people who won’t judge me for letting things get so bad.  But I suspect the one’s who would step up to help would be the ones who have enough on their plates and/or are the most elderly.  Or that I’d be overwhelmed with people wanting to help but none of it would come. 

If they did come I am sure I would feel overhwelmed by the gift and by the highlighting of my own inabilities.  But maybe that’s just something I have to face.

So what to do. What to do.

Seems my options are:

a) Keep ignoring the problem (it will only get worse). Not an option really.

b) Chip away at it little by little and hope I can catch up eventually without giving myself any setbacks

c) Cry out loudly for help and swallow my pride, hide my shame

Got My Blue Badge

Photograph by gregwake from Flickr

Well I should have known I’d have to say “Yes Mum you were right”.  The local authority have granted my application for a Blue Badge and it arrived this morning in the post.  Yes, I should have applied for it before but “whoohoo” now I have one )

The Blue Badge scheme runs across Europe (and other affliate countries) and allows disabled drivers and passengers to use disabled parking and special parking concessions to give easier access to facilities and services, shopping and leisure, etc.

It means that when Growler or my dad take me out somewhere we can actually now park in the disabled bays nearer the entrances to places, with space to get the wheelchair out and (hopefully) not have to tackle anymore blumin gravel car park surfaces.  Gravel is not good for those with growling bowels!

Now I’m deciding whether to spend £25 on a Blue Badge protector, which is a plastic case for the badge that locks to the steering wheel, as theft of Blue Badges is apparently quite high.  I don’t want Growler’s car window smashed for the sake of nicking my blue badge.  But in the meantime – we get to park close to places! Yeah!  Oh and lots of time for free which is an added bonus (and why theft of badges is so high I suspect).

Once again I am sure I owe a debt to my Lovely GP who filled in my doctors supporting bit of the form.

In other news I am feeling distinctly wiped out this week.  Wondering if the extra bits and bobs of “home alone” is mounting up, or if it’s simply waking earlier than usual, or (improbable but solvable) because I ran out of B12 tablets last week and have had a gap in taking my high B12 dose every day.

But I have managed to paint a commissioned piece this week (my brother for his girlfriend’s Christmas pressie and subject matter is strictly secret) so it’s not all bad.

photograph by jamie hladky

Growler has had a hectic week after our washing machine finally died and for the last week he’s been running down to my borther’s to use his machine inbetween making lunch for me and whizzing back and fro from the office.  New washing machine due to be delivered this Thursday and I have been in charge of sorting it all out.  Dipped into my savings to pay for it even. 

So even if I can’t actually help DO the washing at least I have made a small contribution to the daily doings of home by researching, purchasing and taking delivery of said appliance.  Although Growler has to disconnect the old one for them to take it away and re-arrange things in our back porch to let the men have access to install the new one.  And it’s very cobwebby in there so he will have to be extra brave!

I am also chomping crystallised ginger in an effort to combat dizziness and a hint of nausea.  One good thing is that because I’m not keen on ginger or on that hot burning sensation in my mouth it’s also making me drink lots of water – which is also supposed to good for dizziness.

I am itching to start my Christmas shopping (internet style) just to get it done but waiting for next months credit card statement to roll around.  I am equally dreading writing Christmas cards but think I should start soon because it took me absolutely ages over many sittings to do it last year.  Growler is standing firm about no decorations until at least December ( but I guess that will be here soon enough!

And just over a year after I legally finished my contract with my old work place the Inland Revenue have finally been in touch to see what I’ve been up to for the last 12 months.  Big fat zero Mr Inland Revenue. Big fat zero income.  I had to tick “unemployed” which really annoys me even though it’s just a technicality.  i want a “I’m in limbo” box to tick please.

This Week’s Stuff

My thoughts are a bit jumbled but this is what’s happened in the last week.

Stopped taking Mebeverine for IBS – I read conflicting reports that Mebeverine could be taken for IBS-C and that it could in fact cause constipation.  As I have been having many problems with constipation and bowel spasms I decided to try meals without Mebeverine. I’ve been taking it at least twice a day (with lunch and evening meal) for well over a year.  Now I’ve been 4 days without it and my constipation is better and my spasms much less. Looks like a success bu will continue to monitor the situation before committing to not taking it, or at least only taking it if IBS-D makes a re-appearance.

Had my 2nd wedding anniversary - That was yesterday and we managed to go out for lunch and a wheelie walk and had a very lovely day. I blogged some photos on my art blog from the day. We’re not limited to spending quality time together and being loved up on anniversaries and valentines – but it’s still good to celebrate and remember our commitment to each other. We’ve faced a lot of challenges just in this 2 years of marriage as my incapactity with ME/CFS began shortly before we were married.  But we’re a strong team and our love is thriving.

Spent time with my Dad – Spent a couple of hours with my dad and his partner on a gorgeously sunny Sunday afternoon.  We don’t get to visit as often as I’d like even though they are only 10 miles from us.  Then this afternoon I went out with my dad (just the 2 of us) for a cup of tea and another sit in the sunshine. We’ve decided we need to do more of seeing each other one on one.  My dad loves Growler but he also wants to have a relationship with me where Growler isn’t always there doing the ‘carer’ role.  We all think this is a great idea – I get to have different experiences, Growler gets some time off and time alone/to do his own thing, plus me and my dad get to renew our own relationship.

Sorted a holiday – Well Growler did all the sorting last week but I sent for a few tourism leaflets for ideas f things to do while we’re there. We go next week for 10 days up to Yorkshire, then County Durham and to explore the North East. Never been in that part of the country before and am really excited about all the things to see.  Even if I am not up to doing a lot both Growler and me are looking forward to a change of scene and change of routine.  Hurrah!

Ran out of Q10 - Forgot to order more Q10 capsules when Growler told me my stocks were running low and so ran out totally this week.  Then couldn’t order more from the super speedy and competively priced quickvit because I can’t get Verified By Visa security system to work and let me pay!  Sourced some from an alternative supplier with PayPal but it does mean I’ve had (am having) a few days without my 200mg of Q10.  Oh well.

Drawing, Sculpting and Photographing – It’s been a lovely creative patch kickstarted by my plan to try and draw every day for 2 and a half weeks.  So as well as my usual photographing loads of things I’ve also done a bit of drawing and even did a spontaneous bit of sculpture having recycled some wire from some spiral notebooks which about from …

Did a load of shredding – Including going through a bag of stuff from my old work place which I officially left last October. I shredded all those receipts and invoices from deliveries I’ve been piling up for the last 6 months and recycled and/or shredded a load of stuff from work including my precious work notebooks.  It was good looking at those pages of essential important information and them now being totally pointless and irrelevant! I may be doing it a little at a time over a loooong period of time but maybe I will get stuff sorted and cleared eventually.

Dental Sedation and ME/CFS in the UK

Having done a little research it appears that intravenous dental sedation for extraction of my wisdom teeth will not present significant complications because of my ME/CFS.

Here is the long version …

I’ve found out that in the UK gas and air is only used in hospitals now and sedation at local practices is going to be intravenous.  Indeed this is the kind of dental sedation I had last time I had two of my wisdom teeth out. 

I’m only going to look at IV sedation in this post.

Most use benzodiazepines or “benzos” and the most frequent drug used is Midazolam (called Versed in the US, Hypnovel or Dormicum in the UK), but occasionally Diazepam (tradename: Valium) is used.

Not only does the drug have an amnesia effect, meaning you can’t recall much or sometimes any of the procedure, but it also makes you very relaxed whilst co-operative with the dentist.

Sedation “induces a state of deep relaxation and a feeling of not being bothered by what’s going on“.

This is from a really good and informative guide to IV dental sedation from Dental Fear Central.

So on the whole I shouldn’t be anxious or stressed during the extraction.  I know from first hand experience that I won’t remember much – in fact I don’t remember anything at all from last time between the injection of the sedation and trying to pay afterwards!

From a short research session on the internet it appears that persons with ME/CFS (PWME) can be very sensitive to drugs like Midazolam but they are generally well tolerated.  It’s advised to start with a small amount and increase as required. See Recommendations for Persons with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (or Fibromyalgia) Who Are Anticipating Surgery from Immune Support

In fact they are reccomended by some as part of good anaesthetic practice for persons with ME/CFS rather than using histimine releasing medication which we often have problems with.

“With CFIDS patients, I recommend Diprivan (propofol) as the induction agent; Versed (midazolam), fentanyl (a short-acting narcotic) and droperidol (an anti-nausea agent) during the anesthetic; and a combination of nitrous oxide, oxygen and isoflurane (commonly called Forane) as the maintenance agent.” Taken from Anaethesia and ME on A Hummingbirds Guide to ME.

Your pulse, heart rate and blood pressure are monitored during the procedure.

PWME who have problems with blood pressure and/or vasovagal syncope (neurally mediated hypotension) should be monitored carefully.  Again see Recommendations for Persons with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (or Fibromyalgia) Who Are Anticipating Surgery from Immune Support.

Special attention should also be paid to PWME who have Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS). It is also important to be well hydrated.

“Because of the prevalence of low blood volume, care should be taken to hydrate patients prior to surgery and to avoid drugs that stimulate neurogenic syncope or lower blood pressure.“

Suggest that your patient prepare for both surgery and major dental work by:
Taking 500 mg Vitamin C daily, plus a good multi-vitamin/mineral supplement
Taking homoeopathic amica, 4 per day, 2 days before and continue for 2 weeks.”

Dr Sarah Myhill.

See Anesthesia & Procedure Preparation Information from the Northern Virginia CFS/FMS Support Group (thanks to Nina!).

Interesting grapefruit juice can increase the effects of Midazolam.  There’s a long list of drugs and suppliments with contra-indication according to answers.com  but no indication of how significant a lot of them are.  It’s important to tell your dentist about any medications for birth control, anxiety, sleep, depression, HIV, anti-fungals, pain, antibiotics, hay fever, allergies, blood pressure, heart problems and seizures amongst others.  Also if you intake a lot of caffeine or alcohol.

My lovely dentist assures me I will be able to discuss any contra-indications with my current medications with the dental surgeon.  I’m most interested in how my amitriptyline and midazolam will interact, as this is a drug I am using everyday.  We’ll see what he says.

Side effects of midazolam can include a sort of hangover effect, sleepiness, restlessness, headache and loss of memory (the latter being part of the point of taking it for an extraction!).  If you experience any breathing difficulties, fast or irregular heart beat, hallucinations, numbness or tingling in hands or feet, seizure or rash you should seek medical advice as soon as possible.

The only side effects I had last time was the drowsiness and memory loss.  You definately need someone to escort from the appointment and I would say to be with you for at least several hours aftwerwards.  If you are also having a sedative prior to arriving at the dentist you will also need someone to escort you there.  It might also helpt to have someone to sort the bill out for you after the treatment because although I was able to enter my PIN I had no idea why I was doing it or how much it was for!

In summary it seems that like with all drugs persons with ME may be sensitive to IV dental sedation and some of the drugs used to manage our condition may be contra-indications.  But generally the sedation is well tolerated and certainly allievates much of the anxiety of a dental surgery like wisdom teeth extraction.  I think the anxiety of not having the sedation would have a much greater impact on my ME than the midazolam!

Crocs Under £25

I spend a stupid amount of time window shopping on the internet (there has to be a new-fangled term for that …) taking ages to choose the right thing, then find the best price, then search for extra discounts. So I thought I’d share some of that with you just in case you haven’t got the same “free” time as me to hunt for the best price.

I have taken the plunge and ordered my first pair of Crocs.  Sigh.  This is either a huge fashion victim mistake or is going to make me a Croc addict if all the reviews of unrivalled comfort are proven.

SweetFeetShoes in the UK currently have a 15% summer sale and delivery is free.  

Crocs Cayman currently £24.61 -  bargain! And available in a huge range of colours. Discount is shown in your basket, so it’s 15% of the price shown.

The discount seems to apply to most styles of Crocs including Beach and Mary Janes. It’s the best UK deal I’ve found (17 May 2008).  They also stock Heralthy Back backpacks which are 15% off too.

www.sweetfeetshoes.co.uk

No, I’m not on commission – just sharing the fruits of my labour.