I’m having one of those mornings when I feel like myself. Like the me I know from way back.
My head is stuffed with daydreams and plans. I’m deciding - in an absent minded way - what I might do today … do some painting, tidy up, do some gardening, get organised, whisk my beloved out somewhere … generally how shall I spring around bursting with energy once this groggy sleepiness is gone?
Except it’s not groggy sleepiness - it’s a low energy buzz. My brain and soul is ready to go, my body is definately not.
Days like these are the dangerous ones. The ones where it’s all to easy for me to push too hard, push past the tiredness like I used to with every other illness or pain I ever had and send myself crashing into bad, ill territory.
Days like these remind me that it’s not lack of motivation, desire, or want that keep me locked in incapacity - it’s illness that stops me in my tracks.
Days like these confuse the hell out of me. I just feel like me - the me I know so well. The me who runs at things with a flurry of intense activity to get it done. Except I don’t have the resources for that now and I don’t know if I ever will again.
It’s almost a cruel blow - to feel so ready and yet be so ill equiped to fulfill the plans floating around my head. I have to strive hard to focus my mind on the postive - that ‘feeling ready’ is at least a sign of hope. I think. Hope of … something.
Oh, I’m glad you realize it’s dangerous. But even realizing that, it’s pretty impossible to resist. Whatever you do, have a happy one
Take it easy on yourself (as if you didn’t already know that). Funny but I am the same exact way and I’m giving you advice. That’s just not right
Nina - I worry (at times like these) that I’m not doing enough and will be wrecking my body, or that’s it’s all a big trick. Pacing is the key. Boring boring pacing.
Connie - ha ha! It just makes you more qualified to say it is all
I’ll try and remember to nag … I mean give you advice back when you need it. Take it easy. Ha! See?
Learning to enjoy the slow pace, the routine, the scheduled rests, the regularity and sameness–that’s the key. It’s taken me years, but it’s possible. A slow, simple life, that’s what we have to have.