ChronicallyMe

I am struggling at the moment.  I’m at a difficult place in terms of mental health and emotional stablity.  I don’t know why.  I have a long list of possibilities.  I won’t bore you.

This isn’t a struggle in a deep dark bottomless place or even on the edge of one - so breathe easy dear friends.  It’s just … I dunno … things feel a bit stuck.  Rationally I know I am in a good place physically and therefore mentals and emotionals should fall into place.  But there’s just something(s) rubbing that need sorting or soothing.

Having finally shifted that 2 month long virus my current symptom combo feels awfully familiar.  It reminds me of a time around Spring last year.  I don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing.  I just know it feels like I’ve been here before (again).

My mental image (when talking things over with Growler) was one of a long Rachel shaped tube (something akin to a gingerbread cutter shaped tube). A cold, shiny, unrelenting and never flexing tunnel.  My body frozen into a rigid star jump shape being pushed along this tube by Growler.  Poor Growler - flogging himself to exhaustion to push me down this tube that never seems to look any different and never seems as if it will end.

Sounds a bit bleak eh?

Well my days right now are about soothing this hurt/angst/upset/grieving/tantrum feeling inside, trying to find some clearer ideas of the trigger(s), practising my good mental health routines and … well … finding a way through.  Which I will.

Sometimes the positive stuff is a frothy foam on the top of my days.  Sometimes I have to seek it out from the depths.  I know it’s there - it’s just harder work to touch it than it has been for a while.